


haunting me, haunting you

by daddyyums



Category: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/F, absolute mal slander here, darklina supremacy !!!, is this for my gay little dreams? yes, there is a serious lack of genderbent!darkling in this world so here ya go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29982720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddyyums/pseuds/daddyyums
Summary: (genderbent darkling au)Alina had heard of the Darkling, a grisha able to wield the powers of shadow and darkness. That he was the only grisha allowed to wear black, the he was kind of grisha that was responsible for the Shadow Fold, the ominous swath of shadow that tore Ravka in two. What she had not heard of the Darkling, was that he, was in fact, a she.(canon divergence)
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova & Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 13
Kudos: 29





	1. and every time i let go

She had been in the bath when the news arrived.

News of the searing burst of light that ripped across the Shadow Fold. News of an entire nest of volcra fleeing from the light. And she was intrigued.

Perhaps it was the desire within her to finally abolish the abomination that was the Shadow Fold, or perhaps it was the desire to meet her equal. Someone who even came close to her threshold of power. She thought of Squallers like Zoya, beautiful and powerful, but even with her amplifier, Zoya would never meet her level of power.

The soldier had burst through the charcoal curtains which surrounded her tent, looking disheveled and out of breath. A bead of sweat had trickled down the soldier's nose as he realized what he had come across: the Darkling, naked, in the bathtub, in her private quarters.

He had lifted his head up slightly, eyes darting to the ceiling of the tent. " _Moya soverenyi,_ " He had stuttered out. "Please forgive me for my intrusion, but there are reports of an entire skiff being surrounded by light. It appears that this light may have managed to fend off an enitre nest of Volcra" His legs seemed to wobble when he said volcra, the creatures occupying the Fold. With their long, skin-like wings and their mouths full of teeth that could be knives, they ensured that only a fraction of those seeking to pass through would make it out alive.

Her head had turned. "And what of the witnesses?" She shifted in the tub, crossing her arms across her breasts.

"They are on their way to the main tent as we speak, _moya soverenyi._ I reckon about ten minutes out." His feet shuffled across the floor, clearly uncomfortable with the position he was in.

"Send news of my coming arrival then. You are dismissed, unless there is anything else you must communicate?" She had lifted her brows.

The solider shook his head, and turned around and swiftly left the tent. 

Sitting up in the tub, she arched her back, feeling the impact of her wet hair greeting her shoulders. She stood up, reaching for a towel, and clambered out of the tub. Drying herself off, she walked towards where a clean kefta lay, and put it on.

The heavy wool of the garment lay snug against her. She reached up and touched her hair, still damp. She'd have to improvise with it. She reached around to her desk, taking a ruddy pencil and twisiting it into her hair, forming a sad excuse of a bun. It would have to do. 

She strode out of her tent, signaling to her guards. The crisp morning air hit her nostrils, and she took in a deep breath. She stared at the surrounding trees, at the contrast between the bright morning sky and the wall of shadows just miles from them, at the birds crowing and at the busy divisions of the people at the camp.

As they moved along the grisha sector, a silence fell. The Darkling rarely came out into the open, let alone with her hair wet and looking rather ill-prepared for whatever event was thrown in front of her. 

The silence was momentary though, as the main grisha tent sat a mere thirty paces away. She thrust open the cream colored curtains, walking into the tent. A tent was a generous word for it, she thought. The ceilings resembled those in Os Alta, vast and tall, almost seeming to reach the heavens. Vast rugs spanned the floor, and furniture adorned almost every wall of the tent.

She passed a group of Alkemi surrounding a table, and bunches of Corporalki waiting around the food tables, all eyeing at a pastry tray. She walked down to a raised black dias, surrounded by Etherealki, an intricate throne-like chair made of ebony ornamenting it.

A girl stood up, her blue kefta adorned in silver, indicating her to be a squaller. She beckoned with a small motion of her hand. " _Moya soverenyi,_ your hair, would you like me to help you with it?" She batted her eyelids, Zoya, as charming as always, sauntered closer. "I could summon a bit of air to help dry it."

The Darkling did not respond, but merely lifted an eyebrow in amusement. Lifting her hand up to her hair, she pulled the pencil out, allowing her dark hair to fall along her neck. Zoya raised a hand, and a burst of warm air surrounded her head. Her hair spun around in the wind, and within moments was dry.

"Send my greatest thanks to your teachers, Miss Nazyalensky, that their endeavors in education have paid off and has lead to you becoming my personal hairdresser." Zoya's cheeks flushed pink, and hurried back towards the other Squallers, now riddled with murmurs of laughter.

She walked up the several steps, sitting herself in the chair, and looking out to the sea of grisha before her. The Alkemi she had passed only moments ago were now yelling at each other, faces covered in ash and several eyebrows singed off. The pastry tray that had previously laid full of good was now empty, and several Corporalki looked like they were going to be sick, as others surrounded them, laughing. 

Then came silence.

The brigade of First Army officers walked down the tent, several being held up by their fellow soldiers. A round man appeared the most disheveled, eyes wide and frantic. Behind him several ranking officers marched, demeanors also frantic and scared, holding a girl between their arms.

They stopped in front of the dias, breathing heavily. A stout man stepped foreword, and gave a command. More soldiers appeared through the tent opening, this time those who accompanied them were injured or looked as if fear was the only emotion they had ever known.

The same commander looked at a younger man, no older than twenty-five she thought. " _Kaptian_ , report"

He stepped towards the dais, and with a gulp, began to recant the events on the Fold. "Approximately thirty minutes into the crossing, we were set upon by a large flock of volcra. We were pinned..." His voice became silence to the Darkling, her eyes fixating on the girl. She had stood there and not shown the slightest expression of worry or fear, not until the others had been ushered in. Quite strange, she thought. Most who survived a volcra attack wouldn't stop talking about it, either bumbling about fear or about their own personal triumph against the beasts.

Suddenly, the crowd murmured. Snapping her attention back to the young captain, who continued on. "The volcra scattered and the light disappeared, I ordered us back to the drydock immediately."

I took a deep breath, locking eyes with the girl no less than 5 paces away. "And the girl?"

Her eyes grew wide, as if realizing that she was truly in the center of this.

The captain looked down, "I didn't see the girl, _moya soverenyi._ "

She raised an eyebrow, putting her hands on the arm rests of the chair and standing up. "Who actually saw what happened?"

The crowd burst into chatter, both grisha and soldier alive with gossip. A plump man stepped foreword. 

"Well, what did you see?" Said the commander. 

He began to recount his woes on the fold, nonsense of regret and wishes. 

He motioned to the girl, "They were everywhere, they tried to go after her, Alina Starkov, after her and the tracker."

She saw the girl, Alina look over at one of the men surrounded by guards, her eyes wide in worry, and then turned into anger. "And where were you?" She snapped. Several grisha gasped, the man looking mortified. 

"You saw the volcra attack us, you saw that thing take Alexei. Why didn't you help?" She continued.

The man stuttered out in defense, spit flying from his mouth as he went on about not being able to do so.

Her eyes narrowed, "Well maybe Alexei would still be alive if you had gotten off your bony ass to help us!" Several grisha let out laughs, the man's face light up with a mixture of rage and embarrassment.

The commander yelled for silence, and told the man to continue.

"The tracker went down, she was beside him. The volcra, that thing, was going to attack. And then she lit up" 

As soon as the words left his mouth, The Darkling stared at Alina. She blocked out the sounds of the outrage from the grisha, the yells of agreement from the soldiers.

She watched as Zoya stood up, annoyance painted across her face. "This is abusrd! What are you suggesting, old man? That you've found us a Sun Summoner?" With this, the crowd burst into argument. A large Fabrikator stormed up to Zoya, and began to argue. The soldiers started to yell in support of Alina, that the grisha were wrong. The Darkling still looked at Alina. She looked tired and weary, like her guard had suddenly dropped.

She took a step foreword. "Quiet." The Darkling didn't have to raise her voice, the crowd let a blanket of silence fall upon them. "Tracker, you were there with her. What did you see?" 

Upon the man being called foreword, Alina's eyes grew wide, and she started to move towards him, only to be held back by the captain. 

The tracker droned on with a displeasing tone to his voice, that the girl had come on top of him, and that she had light up. Once again, the crowd erupted, but this time in murmurs.

"Now what do you say, Alina Starkov?" The Darkling said, a playful tone in her voice.

"There's been some sort of mistake, I didn't do anything." A rasp let out from her voice. She sounded as if she was crying, but no tears left her face.

"Well, I would like to think I would have been aware if there was a Sun Summoner in Ravka. Now you say that you didn't do anything?"

Alina gazed into the Darkling's eyes, "That's correct. Nothing." Murmurs arose from the crowd once more.

"Something stopped those volcra, and something saved those skiffs." She walked towards Alina, fingers lifting a ring from her ring finger to her index, a talon-like blade emerging from it. "Lift up your sleeve."

Alina gulped, the realization of what was about to happen. "I didn't do anything, I swear."

The Darkling lifted her eyebrows, Alina lifted her sleeve.

"Now, let's see what you can do, shall we?" She dragged the blade across Alina's forearm, a searing burst of light exploded from the cut. 

Alina's terrified eyes were met of the power-hungry ones of the Darkling. "You and I are going to change the world, Alina." And with that, she signaled to Ivan to take Alina away. She walked to the exit behind the dias, hearing the yells of the grisha and the pleas of Alina. 

"I'm not what you think I am, please." She wispered.

"I doubt you even know what you are."


	2. i scream and i call for more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after her powers reveal themselves, alina and the darkling continue on their travels to Os Alta

The Darkling was not what Alina had assumed her to be.

For starters, The Darkling was in fact, a she. From what she had heard growing up, the tales from Ana Kunya, from those in her cartographers unit, even to the demon-like legends that hid muttered beneath peasant’s tongues, all of them had led her to believe that the Darkling was a man.

She had felt it firsthand, when she had taken her ring to her forearm and carved into it. The fear that the peasants held towards her, the fear of the sheer power she held. A part of her wanted to pull away from her, to run out of the tent, to board a skiff and disappear to the Wandering Isles. 

But what scared her the most was that a part of her wanted to draw closer. Part of her wanted the Darkling to dig deeper, call more light, to call more power to her.

Alina had watched her as she rose from her throne-like change, as her eyes had looked her up and down, a hint of amazement behind her eyes. She had watched as the Darkling’s lips twitched into a small smirk when she had yelled at the Cartographer. 

She had found the Darkling’s appearance a bit amusing. Her long, charcoal hair was slightly disheveled, and a bit matted in the back. She looked tired, her dark eyes puffy with small bags ornamenting them. From the looks of it, she had been rushed out of bed, or perhaps had just woken up. 

She’d been surprised when the Darkling had left so abruptly, not even looking at her when she had begged to be let go, to be forgotten, that it was all a mistake. She had simply waved her hand, summoning Ivan to escort her to a carriage, and to accompany her to Os Alta. 

A healer had seen to her wounds, the strange prickle of her skin mending itself together still lingered over where the Darkling had cut her. 

A hand was placed on her shoulder and shook her, pulling her out of thought. Ivan’s gravelly voice rang out through the carriage. “It’s almost time for a break, get ready.” Alina shifted in her seat, groaning as she reached down to pull my boots back onto her feet.

They had been riding in the carriage for days now, the Darkling and his grisha riding on horseback. The sounds of heavy clomping had been the only sound for days, that along with Ivan’s scattered comments. 

The heavy red kefta once belonging to the healer surrounded her, it was too big for her, and stunk of _kvas_. The carriage rattled around her and stopped. Ivan hunched over to the door, peering out the carriage window. He looked back at Alina, and made a downwards motion with his fingers, signalling for her to get down.

“Don’t move, this isn’t where we should be-” Ivan was interrupted with a loud thud coming across the side opposite of the carriage. His body slammed against the floor, a loud thud sounding from his body. “Fjerdans, maybe Shu, could be both. Don’t do anything stupid.” He groaned out from the floor. 

Another bang hit the carriage, this time louder. Alina took a deep breath, she hunched down to the floor. “What do we do?” She whispered. 

Ivan let out a chuckle, “We are not doing anything. When I say so, you're going to run out of the carriage and into the woods. I will join the other grisha in fending them off. Understand?” She nodded, starting to stand up.

Ivan reached out to the door handle, he took a deep breath and swung the door open. Alina ran, her feet carrying her across the dirt path and into the grassy terrain of the forest. She felt her veins course with energy, her heart and lungs searing.  
  
She heard voices behind her, Ravkan shouts and Fjerdan cries. Alina ran harder, panting as she sprinted through the tree line along the dirt path. Ivan had told her to run as far away as possible into the woods, but going deep into the woods felt wrong, like what they would expect her to do. 

Her feet hit the ground, the sound of the squishing of mud and the panting of her breath filled the air. She heard a branch snap behind her, her eyes grew wide, and she ran harder.  
  
An arm wrapped around her torso and yanked her back, a gravelly voice rang through her ears, “Stop it, stop running.” She looked down, an arm swathed in a black kefta, the Darkling.

“Stop it. You don’t need to run anymore.” Alina tried to swat her arm away, only to be met with a stronger pull. “What part of ‘stop it’ is hard to understand?” The Darkling lifted her arm, moving it to Alina’s shoulder, and spun her around.

Alina’s frantic eyes were met with calm ones, the Darkling standing inches in front of her. Alina noticed how large their size difference was, she had only seen the Darkling when she was seated above her. She was at least five inches taller, and her frame was broader, more muscular. 

The Darkling looked down, her eyes studying Alina’s expression. “Calm down, you’re fine.” She dropped her hand from Alina’s shoulder, and rolled her back and shoulders, shifting her neck. “Let’s go, we’ve got quite the trek back to the others to go.” She chuckled, “For someone so small, you’re able to cover a surprising amount of land so quick.” She motioned forward, nodding her head.

Alina took a step forward, a branch snapped under her foot. She started to walk, glancing up at the sky, it looked to be around noon. She heard the Darkling follow after her, the same branch snapping under her. 

They walked out of the forest to the dirt path, the crunch of the dirt filled the air. Alina looked over to the Darkling, her head was glancing to each side of the road. Alina wondered why, for a being of such power, she seemed cautious. “How did you find me? Ivan told me to run, you weren’t there.” 

The Darkling kicked a pebble in front of her, her eyes darted to Alina. “You’re not the first one to mistake me for a man.” Alina’s mouth opened in defense, how did she know?

As if reading her mind, the Darkling smirked. “I saw your eyes dart in confusion when you were told who I was. It has its advantages though, in cases like an ambush, they expect a man to summon the darkness, not a woman.” 

Alina nodded, it made sense. The tales she’d heard of what Darklings had done, it just didn't seem like the work of a woman. “And the stories I’ve heard about you? Are they true? I mean, obviously the ones told by the old peasants aren’t true, you’re not actually a demon. But the ones-”

The Darkling let out a throaty laugh. “I’ve heard some good ones myself, many are true, but I assure you that I am no demon.” She glanced over at Alina, a smirk across her face.

It was the last interaction they shared, the crunch of dirt was the only sound that filled the air. 

They walked for some time, the songs of birds and the beat of rocks grinding against their shoes filling the air. When they had reached the carriage, Alina’s eyes grew wide.

The carriage lay on its side, several grisha were bunched together, attempting to push it up. Several bodies laid on the floor, their pale skin speckled with blood. As she drew closer she realized this was the work of a grisha heartrender, no stab wounds were visible on their bodies, but blood had dripped out of their mouths.

With a loud thud, the carriage had been propped back up onto it’s wheels, and Ivan walked over to the Darkling, dusting his kefta off.“Wheels all appear to be fine, the horses are a bit spooked. We’re still on schedule.” 

The Darkling nodded, and Ivan walked back to the carriage. She walked over to a tree fallen in the road, and lifted her arm. Shadows seemed to fall out of her hand, trailing down to the end dangling kefta sleeve, and then seeming to evaporate. She twisted her fingers, the shadows twisted into a sharp line. 

She brought her hand down, the darkness ripping through the air, surrounding the tree and shattering it into dust. She then motioned to a squaller, who lifted his hands and pushed forward, a gust of air sweeping the tree’s remains into the sky. 

“She’ll ride with me. Saints knows if there are any others like them out there.” She gestured towards the carriage with her head, “Ivan, take Daya with you, you’ll be the decoy party.”

Ivan looked over at a girl in a purple kefta, both looked annoyed with their decoy assignments. He made a grunting noise, the girl, Daya nodded. 

The Darkling continued, “We’ll stop once more twenty miles outside of Balakirev, to clean and to get rest. But that’s at least two days out. Until then, we ride without long breaks. No more camping for the night, we don’t need the Fjerdans or the Shu being able to track us anymore.”

A crunch sounded behind the line of grisha surrounding the carriage. The Darkling whipped her head around, her hair following like a shadow. She motioned for Alina to get behind her, taking a step towards the carriage.

“No one move. Do not raise an eyebrow, do not dart your eyes.” The Darkling whispered, taking another step towards the sound. “Ivan.” She pointed towards Alina and made a gesture.

Ivan’s eyes widened, but he seemed to understand what she had meant.

The Darkling stood still, she raised her arm, the shadows pouring out of her hand once more. A large man jumped out behind the carriage, screaming unintelligibly in Fjerdan. Without blinking, she raised her arm, and slammed it down. 

The shadows ripped through his flesh, first his head, parting in two, sides smoking as if have been burned. His torso was next, splitting in two, leaving each leg to support half of his body. Each half toppled to the opposite side of the ground. Alina’s eyes grew wide, and her hand flew over her mouth to stifle a cry.

Alina turned on her heels to run, only to be met with Ivan’s arms holding her back.

The Darkling spun around on her heels, and clasped her hands together. “Well then, I believe that was a prime example of why we should be moving.” She raised her arm towards the carriage, “Shall we?”

Ivan let go over her, and walked back to the carriage, throwing open the door and climbing in, Daya in follow.

Alina saw the Darkling walking over to the horses, and followed. They were pawing at the ground, and varied in coloration. The Darkling climbed onto one, black and large. Alina scoffed. “Is your blood black as well?” 

The Darkling rose an eyebrow. She motioned to a smaller speckled horse beside her, “Need a leg up?” Alina nodded her head, and the Darkling slid off her horse, and helped push Alina onto her own. She motioned to the reins, “I take it you know how these work?” 

“That little hope for me?” Alina said, attempting to raise an eyebrow, but failing. The Darkling chuckled, Alina couldn’t tell if it was at what she had said or her attempt to re-create the Darkling’s favored facial expression. Or perhaps both.

She climbed back onto her horse, “With all respect, I don’t exactly expect a cartographer’s assistant to be as skilled on horseback as other grisha would be.” She tugged on the reins, flicking her head for Alina to do the same.

  
They rode off at a quick pace, the other grisha following shortly after. The woods soon turned to wheat fields, and then to small farm towns. They rode for day in and day out, stopping only for mere moments so the horses could rest and they could eat. 

After the second night, Alina drew weary, her eyes fluttering shut every couple minutes, only to be jolted back to reality by the pounding of hooves or the shake of her saddle. But this time, she closed her eyes, and felt the darkness overtake her, her body seeming to let go and fall into rest.

The Darkling watched as this happened, her eyes growing wide as she saw Alina start to drift off the horse’s back, her body becoming limp. She pulled in front of Alina’s horse, jumping off and grabbing her. She shook Alina once, then again, and for a third time.

Alina groaned, her head rubbing against the Darkling’s chest, her legs still resting on the saddle of her horse. The Darkling shook her again, this time her eyes shot open. Her eyes ran to her legs propped up on her horse still, and then darted to her torso in the Darkling’s arms. Realization struck her, she had fallen asleep, and now her head was perched on the highest-ranking grisha’s cleavage. 

She shifted again, this time, her legs flailed off the horse and onto the ground with a thud. The Darkling cleared her throat, and looked out to the oncoming group of horseback grisha. “Go ahead,” she yelled to them as they slowed down, “It appears our Sun Summoner needs a bit of rest. Go to Balakirev, set up camp for the night, we’ll meet you there no later than four hours after you arrive.” Her arms wrapped around Alina’s torso, pulling her up.

Alina’s cheeks flushed pink. Not only had she managed to fall asleep on horseback, but she had managed to delay the Darkling. “I’m, I’m so sorry I don’t know what-” She was cut off by the Darkling.

“I’ve never heard of someone falling asleep while riding. But I must say, your descent from the horse was incredibly graceful. The true behavior of Ravka’s savior.” She shifted her back, stretching it out. Her spine cracked as she moved her shoulders around, rolling her head back and forward. 

“I’m not the savior of Ravka, I’m not who you say I am. Really.” Alina could’ve sworn the Darkling’s eyes rolled back into her skull. Her head snapped up, her bushy eyebrows furled. 

“And you also told me you knew what you were doing.” She waved her hand towards the horses, now eating a patch of grass at the side of the road. “Yet I had to jump off a horse to make sure you, in your drowsiness, didn’t manage to hurt yourself.” 

She pointed towards the road ahead of them. “There’s a small village about fifteen minutes ahead. We can stop there and get some food.” Her head turned towards Alina. “That is assuming I won’t have to carry you the entire way?”

Alina wanted to whack her. To shove her elbow into the side of the smug grisha standing beside her. The thought of the fjerdian cut it two flashed in her mind, saints knew what else she could do. “I’ll be fine, unlike that man you severed in two.”

She walked over to her horse, mounting it once again. The Darkling mirrored her actions, “It was The Cut. It’s a technique few are able to use.” The two started to move forward.

  
Alina scoffed, “I don't care what it’s called. A man is still dead, and you killed him.”  
  
“Would you rather it be you dead? At the hands of some Fjerdan brute?” The Darkling said, reaching to move increase her horse’s pace.

They rode together, reaching the town as the Darkling had said they would. As they tethered their horses a hush fell over the village. People looked out the windows of their homes, tall, chestnut brown houses stacked on top of eachother. Peasants in the street stepped away from where she walked.  
  


The Darkling held out her hand, beckoning for Alina to follow. “Come along, I told the others we’d be there within the next four hours, and it’s at least a three hour journey from here.”

She followed her as they walked down the cobblestone pathway, the soles of their boots hitting the stones with thuds. “I have business to attend to, meet back here before fourteen bells.” The Darkling motioned to the village’s clocktower. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a couple of bank notes, handing them to Alina. 

She walked off, Alina starting to follow her, “What sort of business do you have in a town like this?” And then she was gone.

With a huff, Alina walked into a market, buying some cooked fish on a stick that the elderly man tending the booth assured her was a delicacy. She bit into the fish, it was cold and a bit rubbery, but it was more than she had gotten in the past couple days. 

She looked up at the clock, reading two minutes before fourteen bells. She ran through the market stalls, out of breath and looked crazed as she returned to where the Darkling had left her. 

  
As the fourteenth bell chimed, the Darkling strode up to her through the crowd, appearing to be holding back a laugh, holding a silver cup of something hot. She took a sip and nodded her head towards the horses, walking past Alina.

“And what did you get up to?” Alina asked, looking at the cup the Darkling had. “And more importantly, where did you find something _hot_ to drink here?”  
  


Her black hair shifted as she looked back towards Alina. “Would you believe me if I told you I went to get socks? Ivan took my last pair, he has dainty little feet for someone of his stature and refuses to tell the tailor to order him the correct size.” She took another sip of her drink, finishing it off, and setting the cup down on a post. “Quite a shame really, I’m sure he’d rope in countless numbers of fawning maidens if it wasn’t for that situation.”  
  
Alina’s jaw dropped. “Did you, you out of all people, just make a-” She was interrupted by the Darkling’s hoarse laughter.

“Yes, Alina. I am capable of making dick jokes.” She helped boost Alina onto her horse before climbing onto hers. “We’ll be there by seventeen bells if we go fast, so don’t fall asleep again.” And with a jolt of the reins, they were off.


End file.
